The Myth of Having It All: Why Real Success Requires Conscious Sacrifice
I am allegedly a Millennial. I say “allegedly” because being born in mid-1981 means I constantly feel like I cross the boundary between two entirely different generations – Millennial and Gen X. But according to the statistics, ‘elder millennial’ is what I am. And if there is one defining narrative that this generation was fed from the moment we entered the workforce, it’s the glittering promise that women can “have it all.”
We were told we could reach the absolute peak of our careers, build empires, be perfectly present mothers, maintain thriving social lives, and look flawless while doing it. But after more than a decade of running my own business and raising my girls, I’m ready to say what I believe we are secretly thinking, – the reality is that we can’t have it all after all.
And I don’t think I’m alone in believing that as this article highlights some of the issues Millennials have faced trying to find the perfect work-life balance.
Choosing Flexibility Over Rapid Business Growth
The phrase “having it all” implies that life is a straight line where everything balances perfectly without any friction. But real life doesn’t work that way. When I started my business, I had to make incredibly deliberate decisions about what I actually wanted from my life, the exact hours I was willing to work, and the type of childcare I would need to put in place.
I made a conscious choice to sacrifice potential income so that I could prioritise being a Mum.
I still worked incredibly hard, but in those early years of my business, I capped myself at just 20 billable hours a week. Mathematically, that meant I was never going to be able to grow, scale, and chase six figures at the same breakneck speed that others in the industry were doing.
I knew my personal boundaries.
I wanted to be there in the afternoons when the school day ended. I wanted to be around for dinner times, and I refused to miss the school plays.
That level of presence doesn’t always fit with the typical networking events, intensive training weekends, or aggressive growth strategies. So, I consciously chose to say no to that specific type of business growth, and yes to flexibility.
The Impossible Expectations of Modern Motherhood and Career
Sometimes I look around and realise that if I had chosen to sacrifice a couple of years of my girls’ lives to the hustle, I would probably have a massive team, an agency structure, and a multiple six-figure business right now.
But chasing that version of success feels like trying to survive an impossible double standard. This quote by Eve Rodsky that perfectly sums up this exact madness:
“We expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.”
It is a quote that resonates deeply with me because I vividly remember what it felt like to be caught right in the middle of that trap. Years ago, when I returned to a corporate environment after having my daughter Sophie, I remember the sheer desperation of locking myself in cold, empty meeting rooms just to pump milk before my next call. To sustain my career, I was having to hide a fundamental part of my life and identity rather than being true to my new, dual identity as an employee and a mother.
I feel this article really captures what my experiences were like, and I agree with the key point Shanna Hocking makes “My biggest learning as a working mother is that good enough is everything. I had to stop being a perfectionist.”
Why Accepting the Reality of Work-Life Balance is Empowering
It’s time to stop feeling guilty for refusing to play an unwinnable game. It’s completely ok to admit that you cannot have it all. Saying “I can’t do everything” isn’t being a poor feminist, and it isn’t a sign of failure, it’s being realistic.
Unless the corporate world and our societal expectations change fundamentally, I don’t believe that men or women will ever be able to “have it all” in the idealised sense that the phrase is used. True work-life balance isn’t a static, perfect 50/50 split that you achieve once and keep forever: it’s a dynamic series of choices.
If you choose to scale your business to six figures, something else, whether it’s sleep, hobbies, or family time, will take a backseat. If you choose to prioritise school pickups and slow afternoons, your business growth will look different to business founders without childcare responsibilities. Both paths are completely valid, but you cannot walk down both of them at the exact same time.
True empowerment isn’t about running yourself into the ground trying to do it all just because an online headline told you that you should. It’s about looking at your own life, defining success entirely on your own terms, and being completely at peace with the things you choose to leave behind.
Do you believe the myth that women can have it all, or have you had to make conscious sacrifices in your own career and family life? I’d love to hear your thoughts.